Recently, I had an encounter with a friend where we were discussing a topic that we were both very passionate about in our perspectives. To make a long story short, my friend said something to me that caused me to reflect. In the midst of the conversation he said, “I felt like that statement came from a place of emotion.” I thought to myself you damn right it did! But we were both speaking from a place of emotion, so why was his emotional display more acceptable than mine? As a woman, I realized immediately what he had done in the moment. His intention in making that piece of his perspective known, was to attempt to invalidate my statement based on an bias that we have formed regarding the interpretation of emotion in a conversation, especially when it comes to gender identities.
To be clear emotions are energy in motion. Whenever we are expressing ourselves whether it be confidently, happy, sad, aware, and the list (see below) goes on, we are expressing emotions. After reflecting on this statement I thought about how I have heard the stories of women in the workplace being viewed as “emotional” and this being used against them when it comes to promotion, project assignment, disciplinary action, and just being respected when they speak. We associate crying in the workplace with incompetence, even though women have bigger tear ducts than men and are more likely to cry, therefore it is seen as negative. This is rooted in sexism! It is a problematic statement and we need to stop using it! To show confidence is emotion, contentment is emotion, even being calm is an emotion!
I can completely understand when we use terms like over emotional or too emotional, but even then the root of these terms is based in sexism and one’s ability to associate emotions with incompetence or as a justification to invalidate a person’s contribution to a moment. We even do this to other men who might show emotion such as crying. I can remember growing up and hearing the men in my family tease the younger boys if they cried comparing their emotional state to women and weakness. Even though to be strong, is also an emotion….
I also see this in mainly White spaces where racial and ethnic diversity exists. There is a bias in how we view and associate emotional behaviors according to social identities and now is the time to start calling it out. We have a tendency to normalize behavior, language, and even non verbal communication based on a very white, quiet, and professional workplace culture in western society. If someone shouts or their tone of voice changes or they express themselves outside of communication norms, even if they are not causing harm to anyone, we pathologize their behavior.
I have seen this first hand and it has to stop. We as human beings have to do a better job of understanding behavioral diversity in alignment with cross cultural communication styles and stop punishing human beings for not being “normal.”
To be more inclusive, I decided to provide a list of emotions that humans display. The next time you decide to make a statement such as, that decision or statement was based on emotion, understand what emotions are considered acceptable emotions and where your biases lie in the moment!
Here is an ultimate list of emotions to help you identify what they actually are:
Absorbed
Abhorrence
Acceptance
Admiration
Adoration
Adrift
Aching
Affection
Afraid
Agitated
Agony
Aggravated
Alarm
Alert
Alienated
Alive
Alone
Amazed
Amused
Anger
Angst
Animated
Animosity
Animus
Annoyed
Antagonistic
Anticipation
Antipathy
Antsy
Anxiety
Apathetic
Apologetic
Appalled
Appreciative
Apprehensive
Ardor
Arousal
Astonishment
Astounded
Attachment
Attraction
Aversion
Awe
Awkward
Baffled
Bashful
Befuddled
Bemused
Betrayed
Bewildered
Bitter
Blessed
Bliss
Blithe
Blue
Bold
Bonhomie
Boredom
Bothered
Bouncy
Brave
Breathless
Brooding
Bubbly
Buoyant
Burning
Calm
Captivated
Carefree
Caring
Cautious
Certain
Chagrin
Challenged
Chary
Cheerful
Choked
Choleric
Clueless
Cocky
Cold
Collected
Comfortable
Commiseration
Committed
Compassionate
Complacent
Complaisance
Composed
Compunction
Confused
Courage
Concerned
Confident
Conflicted
Consternation
Contemplative
Contempt
Contentment
Contrition
Cordial
Cowardly
Crafty
Cranky
Craving
Crestfallen
Cross
Cruel
Crummy
Crushed
Curious
Cynical
Defeated
Dejection
Delectation
Delighted
Delirious
Denial
Derisive
Desire
Desolation
Despair
Despondent
Detached
Determined
Detestation
Devastated
Devotion
Disappointed
Disbelief
Disdain
Disgruntled
Disgust
Disillusioned
Disinterested
Dismay
Distaste
Distracted
Distress
Disturbed
Doleful
Dopey
Doubtful
Down
Downcast
Drained
Dread
Dubious
Dumbfounded
Eager
Earnest
Ease
Ebullient
Ecstatic
Edgy
Elated
Embarrassment
Empathic
Empty
Enchantment
Energetic
Engrossed
Enjoyment
Enlightenment
Enmity
Entertainment
Enthralled
Enthusiasm
Envy
Euphoria
Exasperated
Excitement
Excluded
Exhausted
Exhilaration
Expectant
Exuberant
Fanatical
Fascinated
Fatigued
Feisty
Felicitous
Fervor
Flabbergasted
Floored
Fondness
Foolish
Foreboding
Fortunate
Frazzled
Free
Fretful
Frightened
Frustrated
Fulfilled
Furious
Genial
Giddy
Glad
Gleeful
Gloomy
Goofy
Gratified
Grateful
Greedy
Grief
Groggy
Grudging
Guarded
Guilt
Gung-ho
Gusto
Hankering
Happy
Harassed
Hatred
Heartache
Heartbroken
Helpless
Hesitant
Hollow
Homesick
Hopeful
Horrified
Hostile
Humiliated
Humored
Hurt
Hyper
Hysterical
Impatient
Incensed
Indifferent
Indignant
Infatuated
Inferior
Inspired
Intense
Interested
Intimacy
Intimidated
Intoxicated
Intrigued
Introspective
Invigorated
Irascible
Ire
Irritated
Isolated
Jaded
Jealous
Jittery
Jocular
Jocund
Jolly
Jovial
Joy
Jubilant
Jumpy
Keen
Lazy
Left out
Lethargic
Liberation
Lighthearted
Liking
Listless
Lively
Lonely
Longing
Lost
Love
Lucky
Lust
Mad
Meditative
Melancholic
Mellow
Merry
Miffed
Mirth
Mischievous
Miserable
Mollified
Mortified
Motivated
Mournful
Moved
Mystified
Nasty
Nauseous
Needy
Nervous
Neutral
Nonplussed
Nostalgic
Numb
Obsessed
Offended
Optimistic
Outrage
Overwhelmed
Pacified
Pain
Panic
Paranoid
Passion
Pathetic
Peaceful
Peevish
Pensive
Perky
Perplexed
Perturbed
Pessimistic
Petrified
Petty
Petulant
Phlegmatic
Pity
Playful
Pleasure
Positive
Possessive
Powerful
Powerless
Preoccupied
Protective
Proud
Psyched
Pumped
Puzzled
Quizzical
Rage
Rapture
Rattled
Reassured
Receptive
Reflective
Regret
Relaxed
Relief
Relish
Reluctance
Remorse
Repugnance
Resentment
Resignation
Restless
Revolted
